Picture: Tiny Dancer

Studio scrapbook image based on mishearing the lyrics of the Elton John song 'Tiny Dancer'.

Picture: Tony Blair on Brexit

Diary: At HMS Belfast

A tourist excursion turns into an unexpected discovery

Tower Bridge and museum ship HMS Belfast

You can always rely on a six-year-old to open your eyes to the realities of the world. A friend's son was 'doing' ships and boats at school. The Cutty Sark was the first idea on the table for a visit. But self-interest soon stepped in and I proposed HMS Belfast. The reasons were pathetic. First, it is closer to where we live than the Cutty Sark and thus an easier journey. Second, I had never 'done' HMS Belfast and I'm always up for visiting somewhere new. Plus, I knew it was 'a floating museum', a project by the Imperial War Museum and the IWM I knew to be a class act.


It was snowing as we arrived, but the staff were cheery, helpfully telling us the tricky ladders an old disabled crock such as myself should avoid. Yes, this is as pretty much as close to a real warship (it's actually a 'light cruiser') as most of us will ever get. Very little has been modified to accommodate the lily-livered landlubber, and as you scramble and duck around the decks, life at sea in wartime moves quickly to the front of your brain.

One concession to modernity is the audio guide. Our youngster was keen to get on with it and quickly embraced its button-pushing attractions. I'm going to guess it was his first time with an audio guide because it wasn't long after he had started listening to the commentary that we heard him seize a pause in the recorded description to exclaim, "Can I just ask you one question?" 

As we moved around the ship's nine decks, snapping pictures and absorbing the claustrophobia, it was hard not to marvel at the technical complexity of all the wires and tubes, the guns, the radar and the proper deference to the hierarchy of command. It was a masterpiece of engineering, both technological and social. How on earth did they work out where to put everything? This I came to see as a 'British' skill, the kind of expertise envied by other nationalities. The kitchen (galley) is a design classic all by itself.

The visit was timely because the very next day the Observer ran a story about the British arms trade and its controversial dealings in Saudi Arabia. The piece claimed that the Saudis were using British mad weapons to massacre civilian populations in Yemen. The export of lethal wespons is restricted by law. Killing children is not permitted by licence.

Whenever I read these pieces I can't help wondering where all our Great British weapons factories are. I've never seen one, or if I did it did not have a sign on it stating 'intercontinental ballistic missiles sold here'. Visiting HMS Belfast the previous day and having my jaw floored at the magnitude of Britain's technical accomplishments, strengths that saw us through world wars and to chequered flags in grands prix across the globe, seeing this wealth of talent directed towards extreme violence rather than to improving the lives of millions, was sickening. Maybe that should become the nation's big post-Brexit idea to re-establish our great talent for innovation and invention as a cause for good, something to be proud of and to make our children proud of us.

Picture: Young Lovers

Studio scrapbook sketch story based on a photo by Wendy Howells of Eva and Gar at Gatwick Airport on their way to India. The imaginary conversation written into the paving stones (added by me) is purely for the viewer's entertainment.

Picture: The Truth That Ran Us Down

The line comes from the Bruce Springsteen song 'Backstreets'.